Happy Mothers Day

Photo from Longwood Gardens

On Mothers Day we love to buy our mothers flowers and beautiful plants to help their gardens look picture perfect.  At least I know that's the case in my family.  I think it's more of a tradition than anything else.  I'm not much of a gardener, my mother is not a gardener, and my mother-in-law who is a gardener already has a beautiful garden to which I know I could add very little.  So if you don't have a mother with a healthy green thumb (like me and my mother) but still loves to enjoy the beauty of flowers and gardens, then maybe instead of buying flowers be more creative.  Don't hand your mom a pot or seeds which can be a lot of work to plant and care for and completely daunting to any novice gardener, instead take her to a beautiful botanical garden or state park which has professionals who care for and make the landscape beautiful.  Spending time with your mother is all she really wants on Mothers Day.  So go and take her on a beautiful walk through some breathtaking exhibits or trails.

Nurturing friendships

Picture found on Google Plus Artist unknown but appreciated.

Boo has officially made her own friend and is organizing her own play dates.  So, for the past few days my 5 year old has run off the bus with her friend and asked "can my friend come over and play?"  These are plans they had obviously discussed on the bus and decided to follow through with after they arrived home.  It was kind of a shock for me to see Boo in such an independent role.  She is growing up and seeing the importance of having friends that are separate from the ones we as her parents have decided for her.  For the past 5 years Boo's friends consisted of her cousins and any of my husbands and my friends children.  We decided what parties she would go to and what friends she played with.  Now she has decided to begin the twisting, winding, scary, joyous and wonderful path of gaining and nurturing friends of her own.  It's a scary and exciting thought for me.  I know how important it is to gain friendships and learn how to care for them and grow them into wonderful lifetime relationships.  At the same time I also know how fickle they can be and how devastating the ending of a friendship is  when two people decide it's time to go in two different directions.  We are just starting down the path of my child's many friendships.  They will be the ones that will help her grow up to be the kind of woman I will one day not only call my daughter but I will want to call my friend.  She will learn who she is and who she wants to be from her family and also from these new friendships she is exploring.  She will learn what true friends are, through sleepovers, numerous secrets, sharing dreams, playing, having adventures, dressing up and having fun.  At the same time it's the beginning of hurt feelings, misunderstandings, jealousy's, and hopefully a few less bad decisions then good ones.  I pray she will learn with grace and dignity that sometimes friendships end.  She will learn that it hurts to have someone you trusted with all of your heart, secrets and dreams walk away but that she can survive it and grow from it.  As much as I pray she wont have to learn some of the harder lessons of friendship, the fact is she will learn them at some point during her lifetime.  But I want her to know that the joys of having someone to trust, and to share, explore, play and grow with, who can be called her friend, far out weigh the possible hard times and that when it does become too hard to deal with she'll always have her family.

I love watching my kids play with other children and it's wonderful to see that my daughters new journey of making friends on her own has begun.  It's so funny to see how fast children become friends.  They so easily open up their hearts, their home, their lives and their families to these new individuals they call friends.  Even my two year old goes to playgrounds and very quickly can find someone to run around with who she has dubbed her friend by saying "dis my friend, mama."  As I look back on my friendships I smile at all the good times I had and yet as I got older it just became harder to maintain those same friendships that gave me such joy.  As an adult it is often times difficult to maintain friends, so many things can seem to get in the way.  Things like work, moving, job changes, children, activities, and spouses can all limit the time we set aside for friendships.  As adults we often decide who is allowed into our "inner circle" and then shut the door on any new experiences.  It is so easy for us to shut people out to protect our privacy, our families, and our kids.  It was so much easier when we were kids to just throw caution to the wind.  We decided if someone was friend worthy simply if they liked to play barbies (that's what happened with my daughter and her friend) or had the same shirt as us but as adults it seems more complicated.  The truth is that it's not much more complicated than what our children do. As adults we can still be the first to say "hi," we can ask what someones interests are and if we share them then we can start a conversation, we can set up play dates which we simply call meeting up and we can also throw caution to the wind and allow someone into our hearts and inner circle. 

It's funny that my daughter just began this new friendship and that I've been thinking about what it means to be a friend because I've been wishing to reconnect with my own friends.  I recently saw a friend at the store with her 3 kids and realized we hadn't made it a priority to see each other since her youngest was a newborn...she's now about 3, I've been texting a friend who I had no idea was having such a rough time with her spouse and just needed an ear to listen until we both reached out and just last night went out to eat with a friend we hadn't seen in a few months.  It was wonderful to reconnect.  I often times forget how much I miss having friendships until I go and spend some time with a friend.  I am as guilty as anyone, I use my schedule, my work, my kids, and my daily routines as excuses to why I can't go out and it isn't until I break from that and go visit a friend that I realize how much we as adults need friendships too.  It's not only our kids who need play dates.  I have to work harder at nurturing friendships, I have to work harder at making time for myself and my friends, but I think most importantly I need to work harder at modeling to my daughters how to be a good friend.  I use the excuse that my husband is my best friend far too often.  I seem to get comfortable in the knowledge that he will always be available for me.  I need to remember that although our marriage and his friendship will always be a priority, we all need multiple friendships and relationships in our lives in order to grow and be more well rounded individuals.

Tips to keep/make/grow your friendships:

1.  Nurture your friendships, make time, call, write, listen, meet them out, be a good friend and enjoy your friends.  
2. To make new friends it's as basic as it was when you were 5 years old...simply say "hi, my name is _____, what do you like doing."  Of course now you will probably leave out the part where you say "I like playing Barbies," but just saying "Hello" is a start.
3. Be open to making new friends and Be available in order to keep old friends.
4. Most importantly "Knowing and Doing are two separate things," this means that just knowing these tips doesn't change anything.  You must put them into practice and actually do it.

Happy Free Comic Book Day

Batgirl and Wonder Woman

So you may think that the wearing of capes is something done on special occasions at our house but the truth is that this dress up and playing with superhero's is an everyday occurrence.  My oldest daughter loves her spiderman figure, dressing up or pretending to be spidergirl/batgirl/supergirl/cat woman/black widow and of course the scarlet witch while my youngest likes to play with her hulk, she-hulk, and spiderman as she wears her new red wonder woman cape.  In fact it's not unheard of to see my daughters in their tutu's, sparkly shoes and with some super-hero character in their hand.  I love that my kids are open to all kinds of play and that they don't feel as though just because they are girls means they can't save the day too.

It was meant to be that we attended the Free Comic Book Day event in our area today.  As we packed up our kids Boo had a kung fu grip on her spiderman figure while Baby Bird was dressed to impress in her red cape.  At first we had planned to just run out to get some errands completed before we continued on to  planting in our garden but as we drove past our mall we realized the girls were dressed just right for a quick side trip to the Comic Book store.  With Boo in a fedora while holding spiderman and Baby Bird in her red cape we had to partake in the wonderful free event.  We ended up with several comics which the kids enjoyed thumbing through while we finished running our errands so it was a win win for everyone.

Free Comic Book Day takes place every year on the first Saturday in May.  If you have never gone it is definitely an experience.  As we pulled up to the front of the mall we saw many people dressed up in costumes with various ears, hats, and hair-dos.  My youngest was fascinated by one young lady who had hot pink hair, cat ears and an Adventure Time shirt on.  She kept yelling that it was Princess Bubble Gum from Adventure Time.  It is worth the trip for the free comics but if you go for no other reason than to just let your kids go and enjoy the eccentric costumes that individuals wear while walking around you will not be disappointed.  Of course this year Free Comic Book Day coinsided with May 4th, which for anyone who doesn't know is a big deal for Star Wars fans (May the 4th be with you) so maybe that also contributed to all the many outfits and hairsyles we were lucky enough to come across at the doors of the mall.

Their are many pluses to comic books.  One plus is that kids who can't read yet can look at the pictures and understand the whole story just based on the pictures.  The unique and special characters in them ignite creativity, imagination, and the desire to be good and do good.  I never read comic's growing up.  I don't know why since I am and always have been in love with comic book hero's, but somehow I was never introduced into the magical world of comics until I was much older.  Seeing how much joy they can provide to kids and adults alike, I am more than happy to let my kids begin their love of art, reading, and fantastical worlds which are filled with super powers, magic, and good moral lessons.  Yes, that's right I said good moral lessons because after all the kicking, punching, magic, and costumes are stripped away the truth is many of these comic book hero's have real life lessons to teach our kids.  For example being strong doesn't just mean having super powers.  In some comic book worlds regular people (Bruce Wayne, Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov) become hero's by just taking care of those less fortunate or doing the right thing.  Yes it's always fun to imagine what life would be like with mutant powers but the truth is that anyone can be a hero as long as they are willing to stand up and do the right thing because courage is what really creates heroes. If you take the time to read each superhero's stories you will see that their are many lessons to be taught on determination, kindness, helpfulness, selflessness, how to treat people, how to represent yourself to the world, how to be humble and strong while being brave and honorable, and how to overcome great loss and still choose love and life over anger, hate and bitterness.  Allowing your child to read about these characters, these worlds and letting them act out being heroes does much more than fill up an afternoon in the playroom, it opens up the communication for you to explain what real heroes look like and what being a "good guy/gal" means.

Click Here for Free Comic Book Day Locator and Information about Comic's

Big Changes

Sometimes no matter how bad you want something and no matter how hard you work towards it you need a little helping hand.  Many times people deal with personal struggles for far too long trying to fix them by themselves.  Years, months, and days will go by and they will struggle, they will begin feeling low about themselves and their abilities, and they will ask themselves questions about why things aren't going the way they want them to and what more they can do to change things.  It's hard to watch someone you love be unhappy and unsatisfied and although the fear of making big decisions can feel overwhelming the truth is without taking those leaps of faith no one will ever know if things can get better.  My lovely husband recently decided to take the bull by the horns and have an elective surgery which will help him be the man he believes he wants to be and can be; even though he already is an amazing father, husband, son, brother, friend, and person) with just a little extra help he knows he could be even more...More available, More energetic, More capable, and More present.

My man was always taller and bigger than most of his peers growing up.  He was always the "big guy" who was not only really athletic but smart and very funny, gentle and sweet and adorable...really a complete package (not that I'm biased) but he has also always been aware of the dangers that come along with weight issues.  He saw his parents dealing with weight, he saw his father suffer from weight induced problems such as diabetes and heart problems and other medical issues made worse by negative life choices (smoking) and weight.  He watched his mother be slowed down from going to the places she wanted to visit because of her weight and her energy and so he has always monitored himself because of the medical issues he saw growing up.  I think seeing his father unable to fully enjoy his grandchildren and too sick to enjoy his own retirement really pushed him to take a look at his own future.  Recently, he has been bigger than he is comfortable with and because most of his life he has been watching out for signs of troubles caused by excessive body mass he decided he was at the point where he needed help to make a change.  Being a husband and father of two little girls and knowing he wants to live a full life experiencing new things and creating memories with his family has caused him to decide he no longer wants to worry about his weight, he is tired of fighting his genetics and his body on his own.  My 6'4" husband with the body of an Offensive Line man and the sweet demeanor of a Teddy Bear has always been exactly "my type" no matter where he is physically but I understand his frustration and I completely supported his decision.  So he took the leap of faith and got surgery. 

It's been a hard 2 weeks dealing with everything almost as a single parent.  He is unable to lift anything and truthfully feels too ill to help with much of anything.  I am used to having a full time engaged husband so to have him be unable to jump in with both feet and help out as he normal does has been a challenge.  I honestly don't tell him how much I appreciate him and the man and father he is enough, I need to work on that.  This last week has made me appreciate how much my mother went through as a single parent and I commend all the single parents out there because cooking, cleaning, parenting, driving, and working full time with no partner is exhausting...and truth be told I still have a partner he's just too tired and ill to help out as much as normal.  Unlike a single parent I still have my husband to be my cheerleader and to give me a hug when I feel like I can't take one more step or do one more load of laundry, and to tell me I'm doing a great job and thank me for being the wife and mother that I am, so he is helping far more than even I give him credit for.  So kudos to every single parent for being so strong, capable, and efficient with very little pats on the back or moments of appreciation.

Anyway, he has been recovering for almost 2 weeks now and already I can see a difference.  It's amazing how quickly things change with just one decision made.  He has lost more than just weight around his middle, he's lost the weight that was sitting on his shoulders too.  He seems more positive and already is beginning to have more energy.  I have been thinking about all the memories he will make with his kids now that he will have the energy to run around, the body to fit into amusement rides and the enthusiasm to seize the day.  Our future just waiting to be filled up with moments we create as a family.  Big changes are scary.  My heart was in my throat for weeks before he had his surgery and my eyes would well up in tears when I thought about him going into the Operating Room but being brave enough to let someone go and do what they believe is best for them is often times the only way to move forward toward a bigger, better, brighter future.